Unintentional Confidence

I wanted to write about discipline today, and discipline is very important to ensure I show up every day, but I believe it takes a lot of confidence to do everything I’m doing to improve myself. My confidence has been one aspect of my personality that I didn’t expect to change during my journey, but in hindsight, it makes sense. Why am I writing about this? First of all, I need a lot of confidence to co-teach a class of high schoolers. I need to know what I’m talking about, and since I’ve lived and breathed storytelling for the last six months, and on and off for the past seven years, that hasn’t been much of a problem. Most importantly, though, the biggest change came when I had the confidence and the courage enough to talk to the cute girl I’ve had my eye on for months. We talked. It was a simple and nice conversation where I learned a bit more about her - she’s going out of state for college, for instance — and I caught us stealing glances at each other all day. I’m kind of infatuated with her. I’ve been smiling all day.

It’s time for me to show off all that I’ve built to someone. From my writing to my body to my home. There’s so much to share and experience with someone else, and even if this particular girl refuses me or if it doesn’t work out or something, I know I have that confidence that I can carry with me to the next girl, and the next girl, and the girl after that. I remember writing about how much I hated dating, and many of those feelings are still valid, but I want to take her out. I want to buy her food, get to know her, and have her get to know me. It’s strange.

Frankly, I didn’t want to write about this today. I meant to write this in my personal journal, but I really feel it’s important to write about confidence because of how much of a turning point it is in my life. I’ve never been the most confident guy in the world, and I’ve always hated myself for lacking that trait. Through sheer coincidence, I developed the discipline to cultivate my confidence, and that’s awesome.

And… for the past few days, once I finished dinner at around 7 PM, I’ve been too tired to do anything. These hybrid Insanity workouts have taken a toll on my body, even though I feel myself growing stronger and stronger every day. I don’t want to write this blog entry, I don’t want to write in my journals, and I don’t want to read. But I do it anyway, even if I’m more sloppy than I would like. Usually, I would try to edit this entry to make it seem more confident, but not today. Today I’m tired, and I just want to write a bit more, read, then go to sleep. I have to ask a girl out tomorrow.