Dance!

I’m still alive, and I danced to some disco. No, literally, I danced to some disco. My hips where shaking, my shoulders were doing something that somewhat resembled rhythmic movement, and my feet — I have no idea what my feet were doing. But I felt good, I felt loose, and I felt amazing. It had been a while since I danced, even just a little bit, and I forget how uplifting it can be. Too bad none of you guys will ever see it!¹

I’ve had this strong itch to make movies again. Part of it is that I want to tell a story in a different medium. Focusing all my energies on my novel can be draining and mixing my routine up some seems enticing. All I have is my iPhone to shoot with, but I think that’s all I really need. I’ve been thinking of getting something like the Gorillapod for ages now, and maybe now might be a good time to invest in something like that. I like the limitations of the iPhone, and I really want to edit something using my iPad. It seems super intuitive and fun, and it’ll give me some experience with all these tools for when my class starts in April. I also had this idea of making a little short where all we see is the screen of the iPhone. Apps like the Camera, Photos, FaceTime, Messages, Calendar, Phone, and a multitude of third-party apps to tell a story with seems super fun and super challenging to do. Technology is a huge part of my life, and who knows how many hours I spend staring at screens every day. It just seems like everything happens behind a screen nowadays, and there’s a richness there that I want to explore.

I’m also eager to finally relax on my really harsh and really strict rules I’ve imposed on myself. I really don’t think I’ll be able to make it 365 days because not only will firefighting this summer make that near impossible for me to sustain, but also because I’m burning out. There are some days where I really have nothing to say, and I would rather spend those days writing a first draft of something that would become something better later. Instead, I post every random piece of shit thought that crosses my mind because I have to post something to keep that streak alive. I’ve had ideas of posting some really long and thoughtful pieces on all the tools (both digital and analog) that I use because I want to understand everything I do and use and see if I can’t improve something or cut something that isn’t really adding anything to my life. And I can’t do that with the amount of planning and time I give my current entries (which is not at all). Then I bought myself those frosted apple pie treats at the grocery store today because I didn’t want to keep depriving myself of these treats for the rest of my life. Yes, I’m not going to be eating these things every day, every week, or even every month, but every once in a while? Sure! I deserved it. I finish Insanity Max: 30 next week, for crissakes.

At the same time, I want to keep pushing myself as hard as I can until I can’t any longer. I want to know that if I stop at day 200 or day 250 or day 300, I want to know I tried my best. And if I go out to eat somewhere unhealthy or give in and drink a little bit of wine with some friends or family somewhere, I want to feel okay about it. I don’t want to feel burdened by doing so, like I failed myself or something. I want to know that I can handle myself and that these little acts of indulgence are just that, an indulgence and not a drastic lifestyle change. My lifestyle is to be as healthy, productive, creative, and hard-working as I possibly can be. Sometimes I forget that I’m allowed to have fun.

So everyone, let’s dance!