A few weeks ago, I saw this video of Costello the octopus potentially having a nightmare, and I’ve been haunted by it ever since. Ever since becoming vegan in 2017, I’ve become a lot more spiritual when it comes toward animals, nature, and the Universe. I see no need why anyone should kill and eat animals in this modern world of plenty, but that’s a losing battle I won’t fight now.

What has affected me so much right now is that last night before bed, I put on Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown on Max, and I watched the season 5 episode where he goes to Hawaii. There’s a segment where he and a few other Hawaiians go hunting for octopuses. They used a sharp spear to coax the octopus out of its hole in the ground, and when it tried to swim away, Anthony grabs it and begins to explain that the way to kill it is to bite the brain. However, he couldn’t find it, so we see him bite the octopus, bite the octopus, bite the octopus, and eventually, the octopus dies from exhaustion.

Seeing the tentacles flair and writhe was one of the most gruesome things I had ever seen. Usually, stuff like this doesn’t affect me much. I was an EMT for many years. I’ve seen some gruesome things in my life, but this, this is haunting me. Octopuses can have nightmares; I’m having a nightmare right now.

I’ve been vegan going on five years now, but the one exception I make is sushi. There’s something about raw fish that gets me going, you know? To satisfy some of the cravings I get from it, I learned to make vegan sushi, and it’s really hard yet really fun to make.

Nate Chittenden, a farmer from Schodack Landing, N.Y., quoted by Andrew Jacobs in the New York Times:

“I’m in charge of this entire life from cradle to grave, and it’s important for me to know this animal went through its life without suffering,” he said, stroking the head of one especially insistent cow. “I’m a bad person if I let it suffer.”

In 2011, I chose to stop consuming dairy products after I determined, and later confirmed, I was lactose intolerant. In 2017, I decided to be vegan. I didn’t do it because I thought eating animals was “wrong.” I did it because I felt I was eating too much meat and not enough vegetables.

Over time, though, as this lifestyle sustained me and made me feel better than I ever have in my life, I underwent a sort of spiritual transformation. After a year without consuming any animal products, I realized how unnecessary animal suffering was to sustain a human life.

I’m glad farmers like Mr. Chittenden exist, and I’m grateful that farmers and scientists are trying to figure out how to farm animals ethically, but I’m done consuming animal products. I don’t need to eat them to be healthy, and I’m confident most people don’t, either.

I’ve been vegan for almost four years, but I just recently started cooking with tofu. This is a mushroom and spinach tofu scramble that I modified from this recipe. This has been my goto weekend brunch meal for the past month and when paired with a cup of black coffee? So good!