Instead of trying to figure out what to say next, I need to learn patience and the beauty of silence.

✏️ #mbnov

Monday:

Tuesday:

Ever since I was a kid I’ve wondered what it would be like to be elderly, to be lying on my death bed and looking back on my life. Would I be proud of the life I’ve lived? How can I live life now to make that last day special?

✏️ #mbnov

The best times of my life are when I let go and go with the flow rather than forcing things to go a certain way. This year has taught me that more than any other. Just let go and ride the wave.

✏️ #mbnov

I spent some time tweaking a few aspects of my website that make me love my blog that much more. I wish I knew more about CSS and whatnot, but I’m happy with the result as of today.

I felt like the whole world bounded together in unity yesterday, and I felt so good joy-scrolling instead of doomscrolling for the first time in four years.

✏️ #mbnov

I wonder how many balloons get inflated every election season and how many bring more sorrow than joy.

✏️ #mbnov

I love it when it rains.

There are many things I find puzzling but nothing more so than rural Americans. What’s up with their championship belt-sized belt buckles?

✏️ #mbnov

New haul. Excited!

I read once that Leonardo da Vinci had the best posture. As a kid, I would try to walk as tall as I could but my head always seemed to stoop forward. Whenever I pass by my reflection, I notice my posture and I try to straighten it just a bit more. But it’s never enough.

✏️ #mbnov

Amazing that I shot this nine days ago, and the weather today was in the low 60s. Montana has the best (as in weirdest) weather, and I love it.

I woke up a few hours after going to bed anxious about the election results. Trump declared victory and the whole country forgot that these results could take weeks to process. I hoped we would be nearer to the end than we are, but I feel the fool for hoping anything.

✏️ #mbnov

Did my first intense workout today since hurting my back three weeks ago. I’m finally starting to feel like my old self again. But I know I’m only at the base of the mountain, and I have quite the journey ahead. All I can do is to keep going. So let’s go.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I lied in bed and scrolled through Instagram, double tapping on all the pretty pictures I saw. I pulled up a recent picture of an ex and wondered where things went wrong. I shouldn’t be astonished at my own predictability, but I am.

✏️ #mbnov

I had my very first physical therapy appointment today, and all in all, I’m unimpressed. I think I feel good enough to start working out again which both excites me and terrifies me. My next appointment is in two weeks, but all I could think about is going back outside with my camera.

I dreamt of an old friend last night, one I haven’t seen for a very long time. I ran to her the moment I saw her. We hugged deeply and lovingly for as long as we could. I woke up feeling good, a rare feeling I will try to concentrate on today.

✏️ #mbnov

I am very happy my succulents haven’t died yet. I also love these pots.

Last night I dreamt I lost my camera bag in a shuttle after landing in LA, but I was having too much fun with new friends to care about it then. I woke up with my bag but without my new friends. What a cold and dreary day life after a dream can be.

✏️ #mbnov

Beautiful sunrise yesterday morning. Also, the iPhone 12 Pro takes beautiful photos.

The past couple of days have been rough. I’ve been battling a debilitating back pain that has forced me off my feet and has made sleep a struggle. But I woke up today to the first snowfall of the season, and I just had to get out of my home and go for a walk.

It was a beautiful fall day today.

My town is weird.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse whereby one is manipulated by someone else into doubting their own sanity. It comes from the 1944 film Gaslight where a man psychologically manipulates his wife into believing that she is going insane. I came across it by watching hours of Among Us streams, and I thought it was the perfect word for the reality we are all currently living in. Gaslighting and doomscrolling: two words I wish I never learned in 2020.

Sisters. Need I say more?