Wed December 3rd, 2014

Day 87: Balance

I’m driven by an internal conflict raging between cautiousness and carelessness. If I’m too cautious, I never do anything of value or worth remembering. I’ll be living my life too scared to take any steps forward because the familiar is comfortable. I’m used to people walking all over me or I’m used to living alone and never asking that girl out or I’m used to being overweight, so why bother eating right and working out. On the other hand, if I’m too careless, then I’m never taking the time to stop and think about what effects my actions will have to myself and to others. I could be so excited to jump out of that airplane that I forget to check if I even remembered to put on my parachute.1 I could be eager to ask the first attractive girl I see and not realize her boyfriend standing right next to her. Next thing I know I’m on my ass with a broken nose.

I don’t think anyone knows what the right thing to do is in most of the situations they encounter during life. I think we’re all struggling with knowing what the right to do is, so we’re all battling between being too cautious and not doing anything or being too careless and doing something we will regret later. Trying to find that balance is something I’m struggling with all the time. When should I do this or when should I do that? Should I just do it? Should I step back and wait for a bit, think it through, and then do it? How can I know to do the right thing at the right time? Is that even possible? How much should my gut play into this? Is that the best measure to base all my decisions off of? I don’t know, obviously, but I like asking all these questions.

I don’t like it when I spend my free time dwelling on my past mistakes and fantasizing about ways I could’ve made those situations better. The reason I’m no longer friends with her is because of my carelessness. But the reason I haven’t moved on yet is because of my cautiousness.2 I’ve lost friendships in the past because of my carelessness, and I truly believe I could have more and deeper friendships with other people if I was just less cautious and more active about it. I guess another way to view this conflict is between extraversion vs. introversion. I like spending time alone, and sometimes spending time with people for a long period of time is exhausting. On the other hand, I come alive whenever I’m with good friends. I love talking and listening and having fun. Again, there’s a balance missing in my life, and I just need to find it.

How? I don’t know, but I think vigilance and commitment to see this through are required. What do you guys think? What do you guys do? Any help would be greatly appreciated.


  1. That’s a super silly example, but I like the visual of it in my head, so I wrote it down.

  2. Ask me privately if you want to know what I mean by this.


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Day 86: Keeping my word I try to keep myself accountable with both my actions and words. When I work out, I try to have some integrity by pushing myself as hard as I can.
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Day 88: Happiness I’m having fun right now. I’ve hit this groove and everything feels fantastic. My job is going great, my novel is moving forward, my body is looking