Mon September 15th, 2014

Day 8: Appreciate the small wins

For the first time in a few weeks, I feel good. I feel like things don’t look as bleak as I once thought they were, and instead I feel hopeful for the future. This morning, while I had my car checked out at the shop and while I did laundry, I wrote the most sincerest and honest cover letter to a principal at a local school looking for an IT person that I’ve ever written. As we may have noticed, I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve unashamedly, and that was reflected in this letter. I was desperate to make this letter work, and I think I cracked it. I sent it and my résumé to him and waited. A few hours later, he e-mailed me back and asked me when I would be free for an interview. Immediately, I thought. I replied that I’m available all day tomorrow. He’s yet to reply, but I’m hopeful.

Ever since I seriously started looking out for my health over three years ago, I made it a ritual to check and log my weight every Monday morning. I chose Monday because it was usually the first day of the week where I would work out, and knowing what I weighed would set the tempo for the rest of the week. Like clockwork, I checked my weight this morning. I gained two pounds since last week. At first I was a little disappointed, but I became hopeful when I realized those two pounds could be muscle. I’ve been putting whey protein powder into my shakes after every workout, and I’m hoping that’s the cause for this weight gain. Otherwise, I have to change my diet even more, and I don’t know if my budget can afford healthier options at the moment.

Considering how horrible the last month has been on me, I’m making it a goal of mine to appreciate these positive days. There were times in the past few weeks where I seriously considered taking my own life in a very impulsive way, and I don’t like it when I’m like that. Those are the times where alcohol both made me feel better and way, way worse. I need to appreciate all the wins I can because there will be days when things just won’t go my way. I have to believe that one bad day isn’t everything. The next day could turn out to be amazing.

The good days give us the ammo to combat the bad.

year one

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Day 7: Doing something about it This morning, while it was still pitch black outside, I sat by my desk in front of my laptop, opened my novel in Scrivener, and stared at the blank
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Day 9: The past I have trouble letting go of the past. As much as I want to focus on the present, I can’t stop my thoughts from always drifting to some lingering