On Day 30 I gave myself three goals to focus on for the following thirty days. They all revolved around my personal three pillars toward a good life, which involved the mind, the body, and the spirit. I’ve always felt confident about what I needed to do to develop both my mind and my body, but it’s been developing my spirit where I’ve been the least confident in. To be clear, I know that everything flows into one another: a healthy body helps strengthen the mind, a strong mind helps push the body to new heights, both the mind and body contribute tremendously to the spirit, and of course the spirit flows back into the other two in a very harmonious way. But what I’ve been struggling with is the feeling of aimlessness when it came to effectively developing and nurturing my spirit beyond my mind and body. My goal back then was to develop a framework toward what my own personal philosophy could be, and for twenty-six days I’ve felt like I’ve been neglecting this goal the most.

Except, I think this blog has shown me exactly everything I need to know to develop my own philosophy. In essence, philosophy is simply a love of wisdom. The more attuned and sensitive I am toward myself, the more knowledge of myself I know, which in turn helps me grow into a better person. What I consider a better person is most definitely different from what you or someone else considers a better person, but that’s not where I’m going with this. This blog has been my attempt toward an honest examination of myself, both my actions and my thoughts, and not anyone else’s.

I’ve learned that I’m concerned with finding ways to not only improve but maintain my happiness. Being happy is important to me because I’ve been depressed for a long time, and I don’t like who I am when I’m blue for no discernible reason. Working out, eating right, writing, reading, working, and keeping myself busy have all contributed greatly toward that. I still feel empty, but I think — I hope — by developing my philosophy, I can find meaning and satisfaction that’ll fill me up with all that life has to offer me.

I’ve also learned that I’m concerned deeply with quality. I wrote a lot about this yesterday, so I won’t go too much into that right now. I will say that I’ve been deeply concerned with everything I’m allowing myself to enter my life. In short, I’m being ruthless with everything that has entered and that could be entering my life. I think the word allow is important here. Sometimes I’ve allowed things to enter my life without truly acknowledging the effects that thing would have on me. I hesitate to use the word thing because I’m referring to both physical objects and people. Quitting my job all those months ago was the best decision I’ve made in a long time, and a big reason why was eliminating my toxic co-workers from invading my life. And again, there’s her, that girl I thought I wanted but find I’m so better off without. By understanding the effects all these things have on my life, I have a better understanding of what is making my life worse and what is making it better. This distinction is super important to help me live a life of quality.

Finally, I’ve barely written about this here but it’s something that’s constantly on my mind, and that’s the idea of taking risks. We only live one life, and I hate the thought of wasting it. But with some things, I feel like I am. Mostly that revolves around my dating life, or my lack thereof. To truly live, I have to take risks. I have to. I don’t want to live a life of what ifs, but a life of I did. I did ask that girl out. I did jump out of that airplane. I did live my life the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to take more risks other than just taking more risks, so I don’t know how to plan for that.

I guess I just have to be who I am. Simple, right?