Montana has taught me one irrevocable fact, and that’s that no one day is predictable. The cold blanket of winter has enveloped my little corner of the world, and that means scraping frost from my windshield every morning, as well as sleeping with the tinny sounds of my heater humming in the background. No matter how hard I try to control my days, to follow a routine that I know is good, healthy, and highly beneficial to me, there will be times when the unpredictable mess things up.

Nothing unpredictable happened today, and that’s the problem, I think. I’m not growing the way I want to. Sure, I’m working out, writing, and making money, but those were the basic big rocks I wanted to develop in the first thirty days of this blog. It’s now been over fifty days and nothing much has changed. I’m not earning my days anymore.

I need to keep pushing myself in order to grow into the man I want to be. What does that mean? I really wish I knew. All I know to do is to listen to my body and to my emotions, and follow the path they’re trying to clear for me. I’m unsatisfied, and I don’t know what to do about it, exactly.

There’s so much more I want to do, and I think that’s where part of the problem lies. I’m paralyzed by choice. I’m not sure which thread to pull because I don’t know if that thread is the best choice for me at this time. All I know is that I have a very small piece of time available to me every day, and I don’t think I’m spending it wisely. Unfortunately, at least during November, that time will be cut even shorter since the hybrid workout from Insanity will take much longer than what I’m used to.1

Insanity will take care of my desire to be more fit, healthy, and better looking. I need to work on my diet, though. I want to cook more and different meals. That requires research. I need to commit to making something different for dinner every day, maybe during November. Cooking blog?

I’m writing every morning, but I want to spend more time on it. I have notebooks specifically bought for this purpose, but I’m not using them. I’m not used to them, so I have to build them into a workflow somehow. I have to hate not having a notebook around instead of not knowing I need one around me at all times.

I’ve always had an insatiable desire to learn, but I’ve never focused my learning into some sort of system that demands more of me every day. What I mean by that is that no matter how much I read, I don’t apply that information in a useful way. I don’t ensure I know that information, but instead rely on my memory and forge on to the next subject. I’ve always wanted to implement the Feynman technique, but I’ve never found the motivation to implement that in my life. It’s time to change that.

Finally, even though I meditate every morning, I don’t feel like it satisfies my spirit. I think this is where my feelings of emptiness are stemming from. I’m unsatisfied with something, but I haven’t found why yet. This is one area of my life I need to focus on a lot more.

I have to earn every day. I have just one life, and I don’t want to waste it.

  1. For most of the days during the program, I will have to perform two workouts per day, one from Insanity and the other from the Asylum. These workouts are 40-50 minutes in length each, effectively doubling my time commitment to them each day.