I feel like things are just getting started. Like I’m waking up from a nightmare, and I’m ready to start my day. 50 days ago I decided to stop going down a path I hated and down another one I knew held more promise. 50 days is a nice round number, but when I consider the fact that my sights are set on 365, 50 looks and seems small. Tiny, in fact. And that’s a good thing.

There’s still more work to be done, more things I want to do, and more problems to overcome. In a few days I’m going to complete the 30 day Insanity: the Asylum program. This will be the second time I’ve completed it, so I don’t consider this a great achievement. I do consider it a small stepping stone toward my real goal: 120 more days of Insanity, maybe more. The next 30 days will be the Insanity/Insanity: the Asylum hybrid workout. The 30 days after that will be the Insanity: the Asylum, Volume 2 workout program, and then after that, for 60 days, will be Shaun T’s new Insanity program, Insanity MAX 30. I still need to purchase the last two workouts, but if you’ve been reading my entries for the past week, then you know that purchasing these programs are a form of retail therapy. In fact, they’ll be more than that: they’ll contribute toward actual therapy, since working out is the best form of it.

50 days ago I also decided to start writing my novel again. I’ve written 300 words each day for the past 50, and I’m now at 15,159 words. I wish I could write more than 300 words, but I can’t devote more time than I already have to writing since I have work, and my evenings and nights are so packed already with activities that try to improve myself. And those 300 words every morning don’t come easy. But! I did receive my new Confidant notebook from Barong Fig today, and it’s really pretty. I can’t wait to use it.

On Day 30, I gave myself 3 goals to focus on for the following 30 days. What’s the status on those? Very minimal progress has been made since then. I have been reading every day, but I don’t think I’ve read more than I wanted to. My fat calipers still have not been shipped from Amazon, even though I purchased them a week ago. And for beginning the framework toward a personal philosophy? I haven’t the slightest idea where to start. I have a new blank notebook to regurgitate some ideas, but will I actually do that? I don’t know. I have 10 days to figure that out. The first two goals are “easier” to fix, in a way. Instead of focusing on one book every day until I finish it, I think I’m going to mix it up every day. If I feel like reading fiction one day, I will. If I feel like reading about computers and system administration, I will. No barriers. Once I get my fat calipers, I can really focus on my weight gain, and know how much of it is muscle and how much is fat. Last time I checked my body fat percentage I was at around 10.3%. I’ll see if I’m anywhere near that soon.

What will my next 50 days look like? I don’t know. But if they’re anything like my past 50, I’ll be happy. I know I can do better, though. For the past 50 days, I’ve written over 29,000 words toward wanting something changed in my life. Through those 29,000 words, I think I created a design to follow through to the next 315 days. That’s exciting. Finally, I can look up at the sky and see my lodestar, giving me a path to navigate toward. There will be a whole panoply of emotions waiting for me, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.