Day 18 of Insanity Max:30 went very well. Since starting this workout again, I’ve lost 2 lbs and I’m on track to get back to my ideal weight that I lost during the dark months of May and June. I worked out a bit too excitedly, though, because I hurt my right knee doing the X-Jumps/Burpee combo. It popped or something, and it feels uncomfortable if I move my leg wrong. My last workout of the week is tomorrow, so maybe I can push through that and have a nice two day break to rest and recover.

My days have regained a nice rhythm from my slower, but more stable, routine. I’m still watching more TV than I should be, but I think I need to simply to balance the work part of my life from the play, and watching TV is play. I’ve been struggling with balance my whole life, and I doubt I’ll ever find the answer during the remaining 40 days of this blog. Life is never steady. My life now can be completely upended tomorrow by forces outside of my control, or completely in my control. Nothing remains stable for long, so maybe my quest to find balance is pointless? I can always strive to find an internal balance, but I think I’m mostly thinking about balancing my professional and personal lives. And by professional, I’m mostly thinking about my professional development as a writer, which involves writing and reading and living, while personal means staying healthy and fit and happy. Once all of these forces are moving forward at a steady clip, my happiness seems to be abundant. But once things start slowing down and one or more of these forces stop, my mood darkens.

It’s this constant up and down that I know exists in my life, yet I can’t seem to take control of it. Maybe I shouldn’t? A rollercoaster wouldn’t be a rollercoaster if it didn’t have its ups and downs, and maybe life is just like a rollercoaster, and trying to control it is nothing more than an exercise in futility. There’s this thing that the Headspace app has taught me while meditating, and this image of sitting on the side of the road and watching the traffic drive by. Your thoughts and feelings are the cars, and you should simply sit and watch them go by. You don’t want to run into the middle of traffic and start chasing one or more of these cars. You simply want to watch them go by. You acknowledge their existence but you let them be. Maybe we should let our rollercoaster of a life simply be and accept it for what it is without fuss. We should accept the fact that our lives will have its ups and its downs, and we should be grateful for all of it because it’s all part of the spectrum of life.

In totality, life, especially when it’s messy, is beautiful and we shouldn’t feel burdened by it. We should embrace it and love it and live it to the fullest because it’s the only thing worth anything during our brief time on Earth.