Tue June 30th, 2015

Day 296: Small town woes

I was supposed to workout today, but I didn’t. I planned to, but in the end, I didn’t feel like it. I don’t like what my laziness is doing to my body. It’s making me softer, less energized. I don’t even know if it’s laziness, per se, or a deliberate choice to feel self-pity than to do anything that actually lets me know I’m alive. I’ve been living in a fog that has beclouded my life for the past few months — since late April, to be exact. I asked a girl out then, and I almost lost my job. Hell, I offered my job, but they wouldn’t take it. I met her parents and told them I meant no harm. The dad wanted to kick my ass. I was laughing inside because I knew I would embarrass him. Then a few weeks ago, she came back into my life. She told me never to talk to her again. Then last week I had firefighter training with that girl’s older sister. Small town woes and whatnot. I’m not motivated to do anything anymore, even though I’m slowly hating myself the more I don’t do anything. I’m drowning in TV. I wish I could say there was more to it than that, but there isn’t. I’m even watching TV at work. I was waiting for a phone call today from the division of fire, but they never called me. Maybe there wasn’t any fires started last night, or if there were, they haven’t been discovered yet. Missoula is banning fireworks, that’s how intense the fire danger is around here. I hope to have a busy fire season. I have a lot of debt to pay off. I’m almost done upgrading all the machines to Windows 8 at work. That’s been my life, TV and Windows 8. It’s sad when the best thing that happened to me today was the release of Apple Music. I’m listening to albums I’ve been wishing to listen to for a long time now. This might be worth the $9.99 a month that it’ll cost me September 30th. It’s the best thing to happen to me today because I’m dancing in my seat while I’m writing this. It’s making me feel better. Anything to feel better. I’m also drinking a $9 bottle of Pinot Noir. It’s strong and good. The TV show I’m watching now is Rectify on Netflix. It’s fantastic. It’s my type of show. Watch it. This TV watching has given me a strong desire to buy a TV, and this music listening to has given me a strong desire to buy a good set of speakers. Money money money. I’m glad nobody reads this blog every day. For that small amount of time, I’m alone with these words and that makes me feel good. I’m almost to day 300. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up the streak during fire season because I don’t know if I would want to. We’ll see, right?


year one


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Day 295: Solitary confinement Fire season might be starting real early for me. I got a call from a former crew boss today asking me if I was ready to go out. They’re expecting
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Day 297: Lost I’m still here. No fire yet. I’m a handful of computers away from completing my Windows 8 upgrade at school. I was hoping to finish by this week,