I’m going back to my regular routine tomorrow, and by regular I mean my scheduled-to-the-minute, intense, and rigorous one. I had this epiphany today where the past few weeks have just been a vacation, that I needed to let go and have some fun for a little bit to recharge for my next run of days. I didn’t like feeling like this lazy and angst-ridden lifestyle I had been living was going to be my new normal, so I decided to go back to what worked. I’m making a change, though. I’m going to be more cognizant about listening to myself and my body and taking those breaks when I know it’ll do me some good. I’m thinking of taking half-days every now and then, and maybe one weekend a month to sleep in and have a lot of fun. But for the most part, I need to be working. I need to be fighting for something every day; otherwise, I feel bad, and I don’t want to feel bad.

I don’t want to live a life of mediocrity. I know I can accomplish some amazing things if I simply hunker down and do my work. Half of that is simply showing up, and I haven’t been. Tomorrow, though, I’m jumping right back on that saddle and doing all that I used to do with such ease. I reconfigured my OmniFocus task list, so I will have all those familiar reminders throughout the day to keep me in line. I’m excited, to be honest, but also a little bit scared. I gave in so easily when I didn’t want to, and I’m worried I may do the same thing tomorrow. It’s that voice in my head that tries its best to convince me to not do what I know I need to do. I had overcome it for so long, and I can do it again. I know I can.

I spent a bit of time today clarifying my goals in my pocket notebook, and I kept coming back to my three big rocks: writing, reading, and working out and eating well. These are my three pillars of living, my mind (reading), body (working out and eating well), and spirit (writing). This triangle, when done every day or as regularly as I can, makes me happy and excited to be alive. I’ve been sorely missing both emotions lately, and I’m ready to get them back. That means I’m done drinking and eating out and sleeping in and finding excuses not to do what I love. These things, in the long run, make me unhappy, and you know what? Fuck that. Fuck anything that makes me not feel good. Life’s too short for that shit.

Life’s too short to live it in mediocrity. We all know what we need to do, but we don’t do it. We find excuses. We tell ourselves that we don’t have time or that life’s getting in the way or this bullshit reason or that bullshit reason. Fuck all of that. We find the time and the willpower and we do what we need to do because anything less than that is mediocre, and who wants to live a mediocre life?