Sun May 17th, 2015

Day 252: My diary

This is what my blog is: it’s a diary that I use to capture whatever thoughts and feelings I have during the actual act of writing. I’ve tried before to turn it into something more specific, but that hasn’t worked for me. A diary works for me. Maybe that’s an excuse to explain away the quality of my entries. Whatever. I like the spontaneity of writing without a plan. Sometimes I discover things I wouldn’t have otherwise, or at least taken me longer to discover. When I look back at my entries, I can tell that what I wrote was what I was feeling most strongly on that day. I love the entries where I was super motivated and super enthusiastic about everything I was doing; I also love the entries, especially those from the past month, where I’ve been stuck in a bout of depression, and that’s all I’ve been able to write. That bout of sadness motivated me to take a break from my rigid routine and have some fun. I’m glad I did because I feel motivated again to get back to work.

Taking a break has shown me the value of work. I want to get back to work. I don’t know if I’m going to automatically get back to the routine I scheduled down to the minute, but I’ll definitely try to get back to a productiveish schedule, which is to say something that wasn’t this weekend. I didn’t write any word in my novel this weekend, and at first I felt guilty, but after thinking about it a bit today, I think taking a break will do me some good. I haven’t stepped away from my book since September, so I don’t know if it’s any good or not. Only time away from it will show me that. I’ve been so focused on getting it done that I never stopped to consider whether it’s any good or not. I don’t know the answer to that, but when I get back into it tomorrow, I will hopefully have fresh enough eyes to see what I got.

Another thing this break has motivated me to do is to meet more people. I know I’ve said that a shit ton of times during the past eight or so months, but I really need to get out more. Firefighting will start soon, and I know I’ll be back with friends and strangers for days and maybe weeks at a time, so that’ll be fun and invigorating. But I need to do something else to improve my social life. Any thoughts, readers? That’s why I have a comment section, people! To hear your voices!

Anyways… I think I can handle my liquor again. I’ve been drinking fairly regularly this past week, and nothing bad has happened. I haven’t done anything stupid, I haven’t ruined any relationship, and I’m still here feeling pretty good about myself. So I was worried about nothing, he said now before shit went to hell, maybe. I also stopped writing and transcribing and reading and working out, kinda to all that, and the world hasn’t fallen apart. And I played video games! and nothing bad happened. So I think I can allow myself a break every now and then to have some fun and recharge, just as long as I balance it with some hard work. Balance, everyone. I’ve been talking about that for-freakin-ever. I’m still learning. Another reason to love diarying my thoughts down. That’s right, I’m making words up and I don’t care.

Peace out, y’all.


year one


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Day 251: Sk8terboi I wasted most of today with broken streaks and empty beer bottles. I’m at a very slow party in Pablo with a guy named Mike and his makeshift home.
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Day 253: The Most Interesting Man Be prepared, everyone: You are about to read the greatest thing ever written by man on the internet, hell, on anything. This entry will be so great