Thu May 7th, 2015

Day 242: Alcohol-infused dream

I’m a few sips away from finishing a full bottle of Pinot Noir. I feel good. Woozy. Buzzed. I’m listening to Outkast’s Stankonia, and god dammit I love this album. It’s so good. I don’t know what I’m going to write about today. I don’t know anything right now, and that’s exactly what I wanted to feel when I bought that bottle of wine today. I’m actually wondering why I didn’t buy two bottles of wine and some unhealthy snacks. My dirty dishes are in the sink, and I’m not going to wash them tonight. That’s how out of it I am tonight! That’s how sad my life is right now.

I really miss drinking. I know why I stopped, but dammit, I missed it. I don’t think anything bad will happen now that I’m almost done drinking this bottle of wine because there’s no relationship I can hurt anymore. I don’t have any to hurt. So maybe it’s okay that I’m drinking again. I wonder how I’m going to feel tomorrow when I wake up. Will I be hungover? I’m wearing my Superman t-shirt because I wanted to feel like Superman tonight. I finished my fourth day of Insanity Max: 30 today, and I finished the second to last chapter in my novel today, too. One more chapter and I’m done. At the moment, I’m at 90,600 words and 450 pages. Incredible, no?

I’m going to take a week off from some of my non-essential habits. My essential ones will be writing 300 words in the morning, 300 words in the afternoon, working out, and writing my blog entry. Those are really my core habits. I can maybe cut away that second 300 day session, but since I’m so close to finishing my book, I decided to keep it. That means no transcribing A Farewell to Arms, no meditation, and no reading. I’m okay with that. I’m tired, and I want to sleep early tonight. It’s getting somewhat late, so it makes sense to go to sleep.

I need to recharge and have some fun. I’ve been watching these The Last of Us walkthrough videos on YouTube, and holy shit do I miss playing video games. I even considered buying a Playstation 4 and a new TV today, but I thought against it for now since I don’t want to spend that much money on anything yet. Maybe after fire season? I don’t know.

I think I’m doing more than I can realistically do. Writing a novel is more than enough, I think. Working out on top of that should be my limit. Anything more than that and I’m risking failure. Writing and working out — that sounds super reasonable. And when I’m not doing either? That’s when I just have some fun! Play video games, watch TV, and maybe start making new friends somewhere. The sky’s the limit, right?

Maybe this is all a dream. An alcohol-infused dream. I’ll probably forget I wrote this tomorrow. Ah well. Farewell, May 7th. I will never see you again. Good riddance.


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Day 241: Showing up regardless Day 241. Everything seems to be calming down and getting back to normal. My desire to drink has diminished, which is a good thing for now. I really
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Day 243: Pivoting So I don’t know if I’m going to make it to 500 words today. I will stop writing when I think I should stop. I bought another two bottles of wine