Wed January 14th, 2015

Day 129: Chev Chelios

You know what’s great? When you feel great. I feel great. Still not 100%, but better than even yesterday and especially better than a few days ago. I had so much energy at work today, and I didn’t know how much I missed feeling that way. That’s how I love to feel, and having that taken away from me for a few days was super unpleasant. I still have the occasional coughing and sneezing fits, but my headache, congestion, and runny nose are all gone, as well as any and all aches and feelings of fatigue. I miss working out, but I don’t want to ruin anything just yet, so I didn’t work out.

I remembered why I try to be hard on myself today. I felt a certain sense of relief on my drive home from work. I knew I didn’t have to work out, so I knew I could just pop open a playlist of TV shows to watch and simply lie in bed and watch them. I didn’t have to get ready for my pre- and post- workout routines, which meant my day was practically over. I used to do this all the time last year, and that just made me develop bad habits that I wanted to eradicate with the start of this blog. I know a week off isn’t going to damage my progress or anything, especially when I’ll be pushing myself even harder next week, but it was that feeling of relief that I didn’t like. It was like I was easing my foot off the pedal, and that entails death in my mind. I’m like Chev Chelios in Crank: I have to have that constant jolt of electricity in my system for me to live since anything less than that means death. Any downtime, to me, is bad. That’s why I have to keep forcing myself to move my feet.

On a side note: I like writing to an audience because I get to spend some time explaining through some things that seem common sense to me because they involve me, but with an audience, I get to somewhat explain my intimate thoughts, and through that process, I learn more about myself. I never experienced that in my journals, and that’s one big thing for why I love my blog. Anyways…

I emailed her yesterday. As all you guys know, this was somewhat coming for a while now, but the decision to do it yesterday came about kind of spontaneously. I just felt good, like I wrote about, and I decided to just do it. It was a short email where I asked a few questions and that was it. I don’t know if she still checks this email, and if she does, how often. Regardless, she hasn’t replied, and I’m inclined to assume she doesn’t check this email at all or that often. Of course, if she emails me back I’ll most definitely write about it here, so stay tuned. Ever since doing it yesterday, I’ve felt no regret when I thought I would. It didn’t seem like a momentous occasion, and I think that’s a good sign toward the state of my emotional health. I think I needed to ease up on being so hard on myself to simply do this and get it over with.

I guess I needed to get sick to reevaluate some of the priorities and mindsets in my life. Hmm…


year one


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Day 128: Feeling better I feel better today, which is awesome. I still woke up this morning super tired, super sick, and super irritated at the fact that my ceiling began
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Day 130: Building the house I’m a slave to my whims. When I feel like doing something, I’m going to do it. When I don’t feel like doing something even though it’s something I