I spent time with my family today, and I had a lot of fun. I played with my nieces, fed some cows and horses, and played games with the whole family. I was gifted meat — meat! — for Christmas and an Amazon.com gift card, and I was truly touched by these gifts. My friends and family get me. You want to make this man happy, you get him some meat. That’s all I gotta say about that.

I broke my diet today, too, and I don’t know how to feel about that. I made it up by kicking my ass during Insanity, but I don’t know if that truly makes up for it. I ate some enchiladas, which have cheese, and I ate like three cookies. I know that may not sound that bad, but when my body started rejecting the food minutes after having my first cookie, I knew I wasn’t doing something right. But I guess I gave myself a pass today, and I’ll just have to work that much harder to get where I want to be. And to be honest, every time I take off my shirt and put on my workout clothes and I just see myself, I’m really happy with what I see. I am genuinely afraid that I won’t be able to control my impulses when I break my diet like I did today, but I don’t know, I feel like I can this time around.

I have two more days of Insanity: the Asylum Volume 2 before I’m done with the program, and my weight barely changed, but I think my body composition changed a bit. My arms look a tad bit bigger and more defined, and I can see a bit more of my abs, especially my lower abs. Volume 2 really targeted the obliques, and I can see the progress on my body, which is amazing. I’m taking all of next week off during my trip to California, so I’ll be eating more calories (and possibly lower quality calories, too, unfortunately) than I’m used to, and I most likely won’t do anything to burn them off. I think the trade-off will be worth it, though. The trade-off, of course, being my books and other stuff, as well as furniture and spending time with my family and friends.

I know it’s strange that I spend so much time writing about my health and fitness, especially on a day where I shouldn’t care so much about it. I guess a lot of it is driven by fear, and, again, I’m afraid that if I give in then everything I worked so hard for these past few months will be for naught. It’s irrational, but I have to live with it, and by writing about it, I force myself to try not to feel so bad about it.

It was a great day today, and I should focus more time and energy to that than to my diet. But only for today. I have two more days of Insanity, which means two more days of intense focus and ruthless control. If I can do that, then I’m good to go.

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone else’s holiday was amazing and joyous. Mine was.