A majority the world has denied Americans access to their countries, deeming my passport worthless. I wasn’t planning on traveling anytime soon, but it feels embarrassing that I can’t because I’m an American under the rule of an orange idiot who doesn’t care about the health of his citizens.

I have this map pinned to my wall, and it’s always in my line of sight. I put it up years ago because I’ve always had this urge to travel, but I never have because I’m the best at making up excuses. I’ve been expanding my walls slowly, taking baby steps here and there, but I’m not where I want to be. What I find sad is the fact that I’m ready to go at a moment’s notice. I’m a minimalist. I don’t need much to be happy. I’ve spent time and money reducing my possessions to the essentials, enough to survive many situations with my main backpack. If I grab my bag, start my engine, and drive away somewhere, I can survive and be happy for a few days. But I don’t because I’m scared and I don’t know how to fix that.

I spent the weekend indoors, and I feel like I wasted it. I feel guilty and ashamed, and I wish I was better about my time and my confidence to leave my home and explore the world. I’m 34, and I feel like I’ve wasted my whole life.