Are You Not Entertained?

ARPANET came into my life from two different sources of media: from the Americans TV show and Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon. Strange.

Day 4 of Insanity Max: 30 was a success, and I feel better. I still feel heavy, which sucks, but I’ll slowly lose this weight. It’s an inevitability at this point. The one thing that’s worrying me is that I won’t be able to lose it all before I go out on another fire, and since they feed us shit, I’m bound to gain it all back. It’s not helping that I’m refusing to go 100% Paleo this week. I need snacks in between my meals, and since I don’t bring a lunch to work, I go hours and hours without food, so when I come home, I buy crap and eat crap and I feel like crap afterwards. Time to start cooking some Paleo food!

I have to take my car into the shop tomorrow morning. Something is up with my power steering pump again (yes, for the third time this year!), so I’m hoping these mechanics will be able to fix it once and for all. I’m worried they won’t because I want to go to Safeway this weekend and buy my Paleo-friendly foods so I can start cooking. My food processor is amazing and I want to use it to its full advantage. God, I hope my car’s okay.

I honestly don’t know what else to write about. I was sitting here for about 10 minutes trying to come up with something to write about, and I couldn’t come up with anything satisfying. I have a few more months of this, and honestly, you guys, I can’t wait till it’s over. I don’t know if I like writing a blog, at least a daily one like this one. I’m a better writer when I have something to say, and I take my time trying to say it. That’s been one common theme throughout this whole journey: my dissatisfaction with so many of my entries. Many of the ideas weren’t fleshed out, and many of them eventually sortakinda got there across multiple entries across days, even weeks apart, but I know they could’ve been better if fleshed out into one, definitive entry. But since I pigeonholed myself into doing an entry a day for a full year, I’ve written a lot of shit. Maybe if you’re really really interested in me, these entries seemed entertaining and informative. But to anybody coming off a Google search or something, there’s nothing in here of value enough to keep them interested and engaged. I don’t know… it’s just something I have to get off my chest every now and then to make me feel better since I always have this gnawing dissatisfaction with all that I’m writing. It’s different when I’m writing in my journal since that’s just for me, and I know I’m just writing down the facts of the day to keep me entertained when I read them again in the future. Like, “oh yeah, I remember when I did that,” or “man, I’m glad I don’t think like that anymore,” or even “I’ve grown up so much since then.” That last one’s the best. I know I’ll feel like that a few years from now when or if I read these entries again.

For now, here we go, world. This is what you get. For now.