Mario Villalobos

Small Steps

My home feels great. I really love my couch, and I love the idea of the two new posters I bought and that are coming within the next few days. I love the idea of printing out a ton of pictures of my family and hanging them up all over the place. All over the place. I really want to bring somebody over to hang out and talk and other human things. The last piece of the puzzle is a TV. I need a TV, he said resignedly. Not yet, though, since I’m still paying off my expenses from California, like my car repairs, furniture, and gas. Hey, at least my credit score is over 745.

I spent most of my time at home on my couch, and it was amazing. I read and I watched TV and I’m trying to spend less time on my bed so I can fall asleep much quicker. Working out helped me sleep quick, but since I haven’t worked out in a few weeks, I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I take my pack test this Thursday, where I don’t know how I’ll do, and afterwards, once I’m in pain and sore, I’ll think about riding that wave back to a regular workout routine.

All three areas of my life have taken a backseat these past few months, but I’ve been focusing on one part — reading — this week, especially today. I’m really enjoying my New Yorker subscription. I finished the June 8 & 15 issue yesterday, and I’m halfway through the June 22nd issue. I should get this week’s issue tomorrow, so I’m hoping to get caught up in the next few days so by next week I’m all caught up. It’s a small and somewhat trivial thing to do, but small steps. I was also reminded on how much I missed reading on a couch. In 2011, I read over 100 books, and I did most of it on my mom’s couch back in California. Today reminded me of that. When you’re not thinking about comfort, your mind focuses on the task of reading. I don’t know.

That leaves me with writing. I’m done with my novel, and I still do think giving it space makes sense, but I miss writing. Every time I begin these entries, I think about writing fiction and I miss it, but I don’t miss waking up at 5 AM every morning to write. I’ve been waking up at 6 AM every morning, making a cup of coffee, and watching an episode of television on Netflix. This routine works for me, and it’s also making me super lazy. I’ve watched more TV these past few months than I did all of last year. I might be exaggerating, but that’s what it feels like.

So: working out will be crossed after the pack test on Thursday, reading has been going well and will continue to go well for now, and writing is in this nebulous zone right now. Small steps, small victories. That’s the only way to get back on track, and that’s what I want to do, to get back on track.