I’m an introvert, and I don’t like going out. I like staying in, reading and writing and living “a life of the mind”, a phrase I read in Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I’m really, really enjoying this book, and I’m super glad I’m reading it at this time in my life. I gain a lot of energy by being alone. I love the solitude that writing and reading and meditating and simply bettering myself day by day brings. I don’t know if I would be able to do half of what I’m doing if I lived with people or was more of an extrovert. Conversely, I need some human contact, and I’m not giving myself much of it nowadays. I socialize at work, and I like most of my co-workers, but that’s all they are, co-workers. It’s hard to admit this but I really don’t have any friends here. I have friends, but they mostly live out-of-state and not here in Montana. I want to change that.
I’m scared of going somewhere to meet people by myself, but I think that’s something I have to do. Not just going to a bar or a nightclub1 or something like that, but going to a class and learning something, like martial arts, cooking, art, or whatever. Logically, this all makes sense to me. If I want to meet people, I have to go somewhere where there are people. If I want to meet people who might be similar to me and/or I’ll like, I have to go do something that attracts those types of people. It’s tough, though, for an introvert like me. The thought of doing all that versus doing something like staying in by myself and reading always loses. I’d rather do the comfortable and familiar than the scary and unfamiliar.
I’ve definitely outgrown the shell I used to be entrapped in growing up. Hell, I don’t think I really outgrew it until my senior year of college, maybe even sooner than that, at around my junior year. I’m comfortable and confident with who I am. I like myself, and I like what I’m doing, and I think I’m a catch. It’s just showing that to someone and letting them get to know me that’s tough. I can’t wrap my head around that whole concept. Some people find it super easy to be around people and hitting it off with someone. I don’t, and I wish I did. No, that’s not true. I wish I gave myself more opportunities to be around people because I’m a cool guy and I know I can find at least one person in a crowd full of people I’d hit it off with.
The friends I’ve met here in Montana have all come from either work, firefighting, or through family. I don’t have a friend up here that I’ve met outside of that. I’ve seen people create goals for themselves like meet one new person a day, and that goal scares me. I’d be lucky if I met one new person a month let alone every day. But maybe I have to do something that scares me to be happier and live a more fulfilling life.
If it’s not hard, it’s not worth doing, right? Well… shit. Am I committing to meeting one new person a day? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I should. I know I should. I’m scared. Oh shit. What does a day like that even look like? How the hell would I do that? Haha, I just thought of a new notebook idea: logging ever new person I met. Jeeze. I have a problem. But oh god. Oh god. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I should do this. I should definitely do this. A day, though? Jeeze. Oh jeeze. Where would I go? Oh god. What would I say? Knowing me, I’d probably get pepper sprayed the first day I do this. Hell, I got pulled over the first day I went out driving. But… shit. I have to do something like this. I have to. Well, okay. Okay. Okay.
Whatever that means up here in Montana. ↩︎