Mario Villalobos

Tired, Sore, and Cranky

My body is tired from the beatings Insanity has given it this week. I wasn’t this sore at any time during Month 1, but now with Month 2, I’m sore and tired and cranky. I haven’t been able to go to sleep at 8:30 like I’ve wanted to. Every time I do happen to have everything finished by then and I try to fall asleep, I can’t. I lie in bed for at least an hour before I finally doze off. Last night, I couldn’t go to sleep until after 10. It was annoying. Insanity hasn’t helped me fall asleep any quicker, and instead, since I don’t get at least the 8 hours I want to get, I wake up sore, tired, and super cranky.

This week has been tough, and I’m not sure why exactly. It’s been pretty humdrum at work. No crises. The internet is up and running just fine. A few printers here and there have been causing me headaches, but that’s it. I’m getting along really well with everyone at work, and I’m really enjoying coming to work every day. My routine is rock-solid at home. My morning routine has helped me get my novel written, and has helped me transcribe the last few pages of the Great Gatsby. I finish it tomorrow. That’s insane. My nightly routine has helped me keep my blog updated with personal entries that have helped me learn more about myself, and it has also helped me to finish reading A Farewell to Arms tomorrow. I start transcribing that on Saturday. Really crazy. So why has it been a tough week?

I don’t know. My first reaction was that I was burning out, but my gut tells me that’s wrong. I don’t feel burnt out. I feel super energized, actually. I love what I’m doing. But I am tired. I am questioning my life right now. I want to do something crazy just so it shakes things up a bit. That thought on its own is crazy. I don’t really want to do that, but I am yearning for something. That quiet desperation I wrote about weeks ago went away for a bit as work got really crazy, but it feels like it has come back, and with a damn vengeance, too.

It’s Valentine’s Day at school tomorrow. All the kids will be giving their classmates cards and candy and other things, I’m sure. The senior’s are doing something with flowers. I saw a group of girls with pink and red roses in the office today, tying them up or something. They’re doing something. Some co-workers even bought candied hearts and other Valentine-themed candy for those kids who don’t get anything, which, they’ve told me, happens every year. That’s sad. I don’t have a Valentine and I don’t expect to get anything, but kids shouldn’t feel sad on this day. It’s a day to love and to feel loved. No heartbreaks allowed.

I don’t know how tomorrow is going to turn out. I don’t have answers to any of the more existential-type of feelings I’m having right now. They’re there, and I recognize they’re there, but they’re not going anywhere or telling me why they’re there. I’m not really asking right now, anyways. I’m tired, sore, and cranky, and I just want to go to bed. This entry made no sense. Sorry guys.