Still Fighting

I still didn’t fix what’s plaguing our network at work, and my car was still not returned to me in working order. These two problems are really pissing me off, and I just want everything to work like they used to. Fortunately, things might change for the better tomorrow. I emailed the last tech guy today, and he replied with some great suggestions that I can’t wait to try out tomorrow. If he turns out to be right, then I was looking somewhere completely off than where I should’ve been looking. Two days down the drain, pretty much. But if I can fix it, then it was all worth it. As for my car, I’m going to have to replace the rack and pinion again because the mechanics don’t have a clue as to what else it could be. This sucks, but I may be able to cover the parts with the Autozone warranty from California. I’ll see about that when I get there.

I wish there was more to write about than that, but these last two days have been rough and have consisted nothing else but these issues. I wish I could say that I’ve tried to live my life more meaningfully, but I haven’t. That sense of quiet desperation? Yeah, that might’ve been be foreshadowing all the issues I’ve been having thus far this week. I did finish my first book of the year yesterday: Dennis Lehane’s the Drop. It was a fun read, and I’m kind of ashamed it took me two weeks to read it. I’m in the process of changing that today. I’m going to try to get more reading done this year, and that just means finding the time. I gotta cut something out and I think that’s going to be TV.

I had to send out an email to the entire staff this morning informing them that I was having issues trying to get the wireless working. It was a hard email to write but a necessary one because I was getting multiple emails in the first 15 minutes of my shift from teachers complaining about their wireless. If I wanted to figure this out, I needed to be free to do my job, not babysit everyone who needed help. It sucked, but I had to do it.

I feel bad that I wasn’t able to fix this issue on my own. I thought I had this job under control. I was thinking about the future, trying to plant some seeds now for bigger things down the line. Hell, I was even excited about it last week when I devoted an entire entry on one of those exciting projects. And then bam! Life threw me a curveball and I swung at it and missed. I can’t wait to go to work tomorrow and figuring this shit out with the new leads I have now. I want to put this behind me so I can get back with my life.

I guess I don’t want anyone to see me as the fraud I think I am. I’m not trained. I didn’t go to school. I’m self-taught. There’s things I just don’t know. I’m learning a helluva lot more now, but at what cost? I seriously thought of quitting, and if not that, I seriously feared that I was going to get fired. I’ve been feeling stressed today, but I’m happy with how I’m handling it. I’m not done yet. I still have some fight left.