Exciting

I never thought I’d like working at a school, but I really do. I’ve gotten to know all the teachers and staff, and I’ve been getting to know many of the students, and now that everyone’s getting to know me, we’re all teasing each other and having loads of fun. Also, since today was the last day of school until next year, everyone was spreading Christmas cheer, and it all felt fun and welcoming and joyous. I received more treats today than I did during all of Halloween, which is funny to me. Tomorrow will be my last day there before I take my first ever road trip to San Diego, and I’m excited. Everything about life right now is exciting, from the good, to the bad, to the god damn ugly.

If we look back to the last 7 days, we can see the progression of happiness that has followed me from one day to the next. My days haven’t changed at all from what they’ve been and what they were a few months ago, and I think what’s changed is my perspective on things. I caught a glimpse of that with yesterday’s entry, and I think it’s been glimmering on the surface for a while and I just barely saw it yesterday. Life is simple right now. There’s no drama in my life. I’m not letting things get to me anymore. I’m working out. I’m writing a lot. I’m reading and learning and growing. I’m setting plans into motion, and I’ve talked about how bright my future looks, and that’s something I really believe right now. Everything can and will change in the future, but, I don’t know, I feel stronger this time around.

One of my bigger weaknesses throughout my whole life has been my inability to say no to other people.¹ I think part of that has been my desire to just be liked. I like being liked, and I like the idea of other people liking me. Maybe that stems from how I was raised or from some event from my childhood that I’ve been repressing my whole life and can’t remember now, I don’t know. But it’s there. It’s present, and it makes it hard for me to say no. Today, a guy from work asked me if he could buy me a drink. Yesterday he invited me for some food at a local bar, and I said sure, but today I said no. One of my big things this time around is to never drink again. I almost said yes because it was just a long day and a drink sounded amazing, but I said no. And I’m glad I said no. I gotta protect my interests, regardless if other people understand or not. And if that means saying no, so what. I’m on a different path than them, and that’s what makes the world so damn interesting.

Next week I’m going to be bombarded with food. Lots of food. And I think I’m going to eat as much as I can physically and mentally take. I think I’ve earned at least that. Besides, I have 4 months of Insanity planned. And I still plan to keep as many of my habits intact. That means writing my novel, writing my blog, reading, and not drinking, eating relatively well, and moving the fuck on. One week from today I’ll be with family. Two weeks from today I’ll be back home with more stuff and a new year to live and experiment. Isn’t that all so damn exciting?