I’m having fun right now. I’ve hit this groove and everything feels fantastic. My job is going great, my novel is moving forward, my body is looking better and better, and my life feels good. All this means is that I have no idea what to write about. I’ve been lying in bed staring at my screen for close to thirty minutes, and I have not been able to focus on a topic or an idea to write about. So I just thought I’d write about what I’m feeling at this moment, and that’s simply joy.
I realize how ridiculous it may seem that I can’t write if I’m feeling good, and for the most part, I’d agree with you. But I know I didn’t start to love writing because I was a happy person. I wasn’t. I started treating writing seriously when I wasn’t happy. It was my escape route toward releasing all the emotions I tended to keep bottled up inside of me. They used to leak out in angry outbursts that hurt my family and my friends, but the more I wrote about my feelings, the calmer I became. Some people have told me they like my company because of how chill and relaxed I am. Hell, one of my college professors told me in front of our class one day that he liked my presence because he always felt calmer around me. I think that’s because of writing.
I love this blog, and I love that I get to write in it every day. For the majority of it, though, my mood has been low. There have been many times where I’ve written some incredibly happy pieces, but I started this blog during a very low place in my life, an event I still haven’t recovered from fully. Many of my entries were written when I’ve been sad. I’m way better than I was when I first started, but I’m not cured, sort to speak. But then there’s days like today where everything just clicked, and I get to go to bed in a good mood. I’m not as tired as I was last week, and that’s a great thing to celebrate.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say with this entry except that it seems my goals that I set for myself when I started this blog are finally showing themselves. Every little habit and routine that has built up over the past 88 days has come together to form this state of being I’m living through right now. And that’s plain happiness.
Maybe the secret to being better is focusing on the things that make me happy since happiness is one of those emotions I covet more than any other because it used to be rare for me. Now I want to lie here and experience the pleasures of it and focus on living a better life with this amazing feeling coursing through my veins.