Just Live

I don’t know what to do with myself on rest days. I started dinner earlier, which felt weird. I treated myself and bought myself some popcorn. I ate it while I watched some television, and it felt good being lazy but I don’t want this to be a regular thing. Not just because I have to keep pushing myself and try to be better every day, but because I missed working out today. I miss the feeling of euphoria while I work out that lingers long after I finish. Working out is the best metric I have that lets me know I earned today. Nothing else compares.

A little over half of my purchases were delivered to my front door today, so that tied me over today. I haven’t come home from work with boxes piled up in front of my front door waiting for me in a long, long time. It felt like Christmas. My new mStand laptop stand is amazing. It’s beautiful and really well-built and designed. Unfortunately, my Apple keyboard and magic trackpad won’t come until Monday, so I couldn’t complete my desk the way I wanted to. Patience, though. I finally have a wallet, and the Slim Wallet by Bellroy is, also, amazing. It’s smaller than I thought it’d be, yet it fits all the cards I need: two credit cards, a debit card, my driver’s license, and my health insurance card. It feels good to finally have a wallet again, and a good one, too. My 32 GB USB flash drive is tiny. Like, half a finger tiny. It gets lost in my keychain, and that’s amazing. It’s nice knowing I have all this storage just there whenever I need it. I like that secure feeling. My GRID-IT! organizer by Cocoon organizes all the little things in my messenger bag so neatly that it also makes me super happy. My bag no longer feels like a mess and feels more like a mobile office, which was the goal all along. I have everything in there that I need, and I love that. Finally, my three posters from Ugmonk also came in, but I won’t be able to hang them up until I buy some frames from Walmart tomorrow. They’re more beautiful in person than from the images I saw from the website.

Many things seem to be coming together, albeit slowly. I feel really good, and I feel really happy. I feel like nothing can hurt me right now, and that makes me feel powerful yet secure. I don’t always feel like this, though. I would love to always feel this way, but I know I won’t be. However, and this is something I have to remember, this won’t be the last time I ever feel like this. I will feel like this again and again and again, all the way to my death bed. Sure, in between those times I’ll feel sad or hurt or in pain, but those feelings will come and go just like the rest of them.

I have to remember sometimes that I’m a living, breathing, human being, and life happens all the time. I shouldn’t be wasting it dwelling about some future that may never happen. I should just be and live.