Mario Villalobos

Burnt Out

I thought of writing about the concept of being burnt out, but as I kept thinking about it, I totally changed my view on it. I’m tired. I came home from work today ready to watch some TV and then work out after, but as soon as I lied in bed, I grew tired. My eyes would not stay open, and all I wanted to do was sleep. And I did. I took a nap for about fifteen minutes or so, and it felt good, but I knew I had to work out. It was Day 17 of the Asylum program, and I knew I had to see this through. I worked out for about twenty minutes, and I was dead tired and my performance sucked. But then my landlord knocked on my door, and we talked for a good five minutes, giving me a well-needed break. When I got back to my workout, I noticed I performed better. My energy was high, my body was warm, and my motivation was stronger than it was when I first started.

Being burnt out means doing more than just being exhausted. It means losing interest in whatever it is your doing. I’m definitely exhausted, especially when my body feels sore and stiff, and my mentality is just not focused enough to work out. Except, I love it. I love it when I work out, especially right after I’m done, when I know I just did something good for my body. I also love nourishing my body with a healthy shake and a delicious home-cooked meal. That whole routine is a joy to do every day. I thought I was burnt out from writing for my blog every night, and there are times when I don’t want to do it. Once I start, though, I realize how much I love writing. I love writing fiction in the morning, and I love writing about something personal at night. It’s a good way to both start and end my days. I really fucking love it, even though it takes a lot of energy and motivation to just start. But there’s something to be said about writing when you’re tired.

Finally, I like my job. It can be stressful, especially when I’m the only tech guy at the school, so I have no one to talk to and bounce ideas off of, but then again, I have an office all to myself, and I don’t have to talk to anyone about making changes or trying some stuff out. In total, it takes away about nine hours out of every day, but it is my only source of income, which is awesome since the job is both fun and challenging.

These three things are my big rocks. They’re the main things I have to do every day for me to call that day successful. Everything else is just filler. I’ll be adding more things to do later. Some may become big rocks, and others may be real reasons to feel burnt out. I’ll just have to take that wait and see approach with them. In the end, though, I love what I’m doing, and I know that the work doesn’t start until I’m tired.