Change Sucks

I call her maybe five times a week, but since she blocked my number on her iPhone, my calls go straight to her voicemail. In the beginning, I kept calling her because I was hoping that maybe she unblocked my number, and we could finally talk. But as the days keep ticking up, I find myself calling her out of routine rather than the sheer desire to talk to her. The same cycle repeats when I’m on Facebook. She blocked me from there, too, and I keep typing her name, hoping that her picture will pop up at the top of the results. She doesn’t and part of me doesn’t care anymore. That’s a good thing — hell, it’s a fucking great thing. Yet, I still feel blue about it.

Change sucks. We are all hardwired to love and desire a homeostatic existence, and we fight anything that threatens that. It’s been 37 days since I last talked to her, but it’s been 83 days since I last saw her. Yes, I know the last day I saw her. It was July 24th. That was the last day we hung out, and I wrote about it in my private journal. I guess it took me a little over six weeks to ruin our relationship. It went from such a great height to a low I never want to experience again. Life without her was hard in the beginning, and I still find myself wishing she was here with me, but I’ve grown accustomed to her absence. Hell, I’m on a journey to be better than I’ve ever been in my life, and that’s been difficult to sustain over the past five weeks, yet I’m still on the road.

I didn’t want to do my duties today because I was tired and unmotivated. Fall is here, and that brings both a colder climate and new television shows. All I’ve wanted to do for the past week is lie in bed, cuddle up beneath my blankets, and watch some TV. I even bought hot chocolate packets last week to satisfy this picture. But I can’t stop now. I’m literally just getting started. I’m only 10% into this one year journey. There’s still so much more to do.

First big thing I wanted to do today was improve my OmniFocus workflow. I’ve mentioned how my whole life is in there. But just like my life, the application was super disorganized. I created a few new perspectives that hopefully helps me tackle that. Only time will tell. I’m excited, though, and I’m sure that’ll last.¹

Reading: The Practice of System and Network Administration (2nd Edition) by Thomas A. Limoncelli, et al. I bought this book today after seeing it come up so many times during multiple sessions of research while at work. It’s huge (at least according to my Kindle), but it contains so much useful information that I’m super eager to get through it quickly. The more I do my job and the more I keep learning about it, the more I’m loving what this job is and what it could be. I feel fortunate and lucky to have found this job when I did.