Resistance

The excitement and necessity that came from starting and writing this blog has waned, and now I’m facing resistance. My body wants to go back to how things use to be. It doesn’t want to work out, it doesn’t want to write, and it doesn’t want to eat well, as well as a handful of other things it doesn’t want to do. This is the moment when things start getting really difficult for me. Judging from past experiences, this is the time when I start to relax on a few things, and thus head down the same destructive path I seem to always find myself in.

Maybe it’s good that I work out, but maybe I shouldn’t do workouts from Insanity and Insanity: the Asylum Vol. 1 and instead do something easier and shorter. Maybe I shouldn’t write my journal entries on my blog on a daily basis, but instead a couple times a week. Maybe I could start writing in my private journal again, where I can write shorter entries and no one will be the wiser. Do I really have to write my novel every morning? Can’t I just skip one day? I’m hungry, and I really don’t feel like making dinner. Can’t I just eat out once? I know where she lives, and I know where she works. Can’t I just maybe visit her in one of these places and say hi? God no! That’s stalker material, and we can’t be having that. Move on already!

These thoughts have been running around my head a ton this week, and there have been times where I’ve almost succumbed to my weaknesses, and other times where I’ve eased the pedal off a bit. Those are usually little things that in the grand scheme of things don’t matter that much, but if I add them up over a long period of time could start becoming a problem. I have my alarm set at 5 AM; I turned it off and slept in till 6 today. My cardio seems to have been severely hampered by my laziness the past few months, so I’m not pushing myself as hard during my workouts as I know I could be. I usually don’t go grocery shopping without a shopping list; I’ve been buying extra things when I buy food, and that’s not looking good for my budget. These little things are the trouble spots that on the surface should be easier to fix, but sometimes tend to fall through the cracks.

My personal philosophy for a long time has been to focus on three pillars of what I consider a complete human being: mind, body, and spirit. I try to structure my days with tasks that hit on these three areas at least once. Anything less than that makes me feel like I failed myself on that day. I didn’t fail today, and I haven’t since I begun this journey 12 days ago, but this journey isn’t easy. The man I want to be isn’t making this easy.

Isn’t that the point, though? Nothing worth celebrating comes easy, I think. That’s what makes victory that much sweeter.