Bringing It

I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that I think will be a perfect fit for me. Part — if not most — of my stress the past couple of weeks has been because I don’t have a job. Every purchase hurts, especially when I know that the longer I go without a source of income, the more I’m going to hurt later. But it’s also been all the free time I now find myself with. There have been times where I’ve felt paralyzed because I realized I had nowhere to go and nothing to do. Of course I know there’s so much I can do, as evidenced by my todo list, but none of it is pressing. I found out last week that I didn’t get a job I thought I was going to get, and I’m afraid I’m going to bomb the interview tomorrow.

I have to convince myself that I’m going to do okay. I can’t think about failing but instead about succeeding. As long as I bring my A game, and I know I did my best, then there’s nothing I should worry about. If I fail, I fail. I can’t dwell on it and let it bring me down. I’ll have to pick myself back up and start again. But if I succeed? If I succeed, I’ll be over-the-moon happy. I would have a job, a new source of income, and a new routine that I think I need most desperately. I love what I’ve done in just about a week. My novel is in full swing again. I’m getting back into shape (although Monday’s workout has left me sore for a few days). I have this blog, which has helped my health and well-being tremendously. I don’t have many readers, but I don’t care. I like writing here, and I feel like this is just the beginning. I foresee this place becoming something much more in time. I fear I won’t reach my 365 consecutive day streak of entries, but even just ten is worth applauding. That’s ten I didn’t have ten days ago.

Slow and steady wins the race. I’ve always believed in that. By focusing on just one pound a week, I lost over 70 in one year. By writing just one page a day, I wrote my novel in two years. By slowly examining myself, my emotions, and my actions, I believe I can become not only a better person, but a more healthy one, too.

To accomplish this, I have to bring it every day. And then I can say I lived, I think.